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♥ Wednesday, March 02, 2005♥

confusion engulfed me as i began to wonder about my next destination. i received my o level results yesterday. it was a terrible disappointment.. much tears was shed due to sorrow.. it felt ironic to be my best friends who shed tears due to joy.. with my atrocious grade, i fear that i might not stay in tjc. indeed, all routes lead to rome. it does not matter where i will be receiving my education but i am not able to forge the bondings which i had with my peers in tjc. not to mention my ccc. i seeked my ct advice today, she said that i should put tj as first choice and leave other options open. i really appreciate teachers who gave me their advice by suggesting that i go to certain mediocre jc. but at this point of time, the teacher who suggested for me to get into innova jc meant well, but it felt so much like an insult... my ct suggest that i should choose poly courses as she thinks that i have to ability and the vibe to strive in such a dynamic environment.. she thinks that i am more outspoken, creative and daring.. well, i understand that she meant well.. therefore, i heed her advice and put poly courses as one of my few choices.. ido felt like a vulnerable creature today as i felt instances to cry in front of my teacher as they smile and gave me a pat at the back.. ms lim smiled and said that i should stay positive.. xu lao shi pat me and say' guai guai de nv hai la.. bu yao jing la" ( good girl.. its ok.. it doesnt matter where u study in), when mrs lofthouse said she will try her best to give me a reference to stay.. i tried my best convince myself to believe that all routes lead to rome. yet, at times this seem so futuristic and uncertain.
many things are uncertain.. too many things left unsaid, too many things left hanging.. much too many emotions involved in this torturing process..
too much emotional pain or probably just the irrtating haze cause a minor sneeze which developed into a major flu which accelerated to a serious headache.. luckily the running nose went away but the headaache is here to stay..
mrs lim, my principal says, good learners are those who are more focused, which have more resilience, are able to handle more stress and have lesser negative feelings; never the ones who felt discouraged.. there's one thing that i certainly believe was that a failure does not mean that i failed in the race, but i have yet to learn the trick to win the race... failure doesnt not mean the end, somewhere out there, there will be a miracle..
we tried to convince our teacher to allow a half day break today.. someone intiated a mass petition outside the principals office but we were howled and shouted to leave immediately.. well, i attended a full day lesson but i missed my library duty today.. joe kept prompting about my results but i kept my mouth shut.. i just hinted that he wont be seeing me in 3 weeks time..
life shall go on....


my donut-addict STOPS!